“Parenthood is an inner change. We grow because parenting is so deep and intense,” said Mr. Fred Rogers. If you have kids, you know this is true. Parents have major responsibilities during a child’s development, and Nathan C. D. Perron from The Family Institute at Northwestern University asserts that well-adjusted children need the four C’s: care, consistency, choices, and consequences. With the assistance of various parenting experts on the web, the following 10 discipline tips for parents will help you to see how the four C’s apply to both child development and a parent’s journey.
1. Evaluate Yourself First
In The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline by Dr. Katherine C. Kersey, the author begs parents to model the behavior they want their children to emulate. Kindness to active listening to yelling can breed within the child.
Jim Fay, co-founder of the Love and Logic Institute — a company that provides practical tools and techniques that help adults achieve respectful, healthy relationships with their children — agrees that “anger and frustration [can] feed misbehavior.”
2. The Best Reward? Time with Parents
It may be tempting to offer the child a cookie for behaving well, but, according to Kersey, the greatest reward is quality time with the parents. She recommends that parents give undivided attention to their child for at least 15 minutes every day. She says it will be “the best investment you can make in your child.”
3. Every Child and Each Moment Requires a Particular Solution
According to Katarzyna Bisaga, child and adolescent psychiatrist and assistant clinical professor of Columbia University’s Division of Child Psychiatry, an effective parenting method is behavioral moderation through positive reinforcement. Although each child is different, they need a different way to reward their positive behavior or “punish” their bad behaviors, and “the key to making any discipline philosophy work is consistency.” Bisaga also emphasizes that parents are human, cannot be perfect, and can use trial and error on the daily.
4. Redirection Works
Depending on the child’s age, the word “No” doesn’t hold the same resonance. Dr. Jane Nelsen says, “The three most important discipline tools to use with children under the age of four is supervision, distraction, and redirection. Showing them what to do instead of what not to do (showing them how to touch nicely instead of saying, “Don’t hit.”).”
5. Focus on the Good
6. Work to Understand Your Child
Children have a natural inclination to behave well, says Naomi Aldort, the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. The child is doing the best that they can, so if they’re exhibiting “bad behavior,” Aldort says that once we understand the source of the behavior, “we can easily remove the cause or heal the emotions,” and the behavior won’t be attractive to the child anymore.
7. Children Really Learn Once They Internalize It
Julia C. Torquati, Ph.D. of the Department of Family and Consumer Science demonstrates that a parent can only give so many explanations or expectations, but a child must be allowed to learn from their own mistakes. A bulldozer parent may try to constantly explain to or punish the child to make them understand, but that doesn’t always work.
8. Use the Honest “Energy Drain” Principle
Parenting can already be tiring, so a parent can use their fatigue to their advantage. Fay believes in an “energy drain” principle to defuse bad behavior. For example, saying something like, “Watching that can cause me a big energy drain, and I don’t think I’ll have the energy to take you to the park after dinner.” The theory? That they want to go to the park so much that this will get them to stop the behavior.
9. Negotiation Works
Dr. Scott Brown worked on peace talks in South Africa and El Salvador and this directs his parenting philosophy. During family negotiations, he had both sides speak their truth and listen to the other’s wants or needs.
For example, when they had trouble getting their kids to sleep on time, they sat down to a family talk where the parents introduced the issues about the nightly routine, which entered them into a collective discussion. The kids shared their thoughts about how it should be handled and offered their solutions. Once concluded, it was more likely for the children to take house rules seriously. General family issues can come to this, and they can change constantly as the children change.
Treat Children as Their Age
Parents will observe their baby become an adolescent who thinks for themselves. The teenager will be filled with so many problems teens face, such as sex, sexuality, drugs, and depression. A parent should keep children safe by having open discussions about how much they already know, their feelings about them, and take their questions and concerns seriously. Parents can tell their child about potential dangers (such as the consequences of teen pregnancy) and be the voice in their head.
Discipline Tips For Parents — Sources
Nathan C. D. Perron — The Four Cs of Parenting: Applying Key Counseling Concepts for Raising Healthy Children Across Countries, Cultures, and Families
The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline by Dr. Katherine C. Kersey
Jim Fay, Love and Logic Institute