“He was scared of clowns and I showed up across the street from him at the bus stop and he just started crying in front of his friends and ran home.”
That’s Wrinkles the Clown telling The Washington Post about a time when a desperate mother hired him to scare her misbehaving 12-year-old son. The mom, presumably at the end of her rope, got in touch with Wrinkles not to hire him as entertainment for a birthday party, or even as a prank. She hired him with the specific intent of frightening the living hell out of her boy, hoping the traumatic experience would whip him into shape.
“His mother called back a few days later and said ‘Thank you,’” Wrinkles said. “Now when [her son] acts bad, she just has to ask him: ‘Do you want Wrinkles to come back?’”
So, who exactly is Wrinkles the Clown? Well, he refused to give the Post his real identity. But he did reveal he’s a 65-year-old divorcee and military vet living in Naples, Florida. Originally from Rhode Island, Wrinkles wanted to retire in a warmer climate where, he told NBC2, he could ‘have a little fun’ before he dies.
So, what makes Wrinkles so scary? Take a look at him. His mask, with its large black eye holes, miserable frown (smile?), and long wrinkled neck is enough to scare me, let alone a child. He looks like the last thing he wants to do is make balloon animals at a kid’s party. One glance at that scraggly hair and soulless expression tells you all you need to know: this clown’s purpose is to terrify.
The man behind the mask got his start by using business cards and stickers to advertise his services. Soon he became a viral sensation and somewhat of an urban legend, with people using social media to track Wrinkles sightings. Now Wrinkles gets hundreds of calls a day from people wanting to make use of his unique talents.
“I’m just a good old-fashioned clown,” Wrinkles told The Post. “When I was a kid, it was okay to scare kids and now they’re all whiny and scared. I want to bring scary back.”
As you might have guessed, not everyone is a Wrinkles fan. The creepy clown stars in a new documentary called Wrinkles the Clown in which he plays a number of threatening voice mail messages he’s received. One person says, “I’ll take a baseball bat and beat your brains in.” Another caller tells Wrinkles he’s “scaring people that can’t defend themselves.”
Not only that, but Wrinkles gets some downright appalling requests from callers. He said multiple people have contacted him to ask for his help in dumping a body.
And he actually gets attention from the ladies. “I’ve got women calling me all the time,” Wrinkles said. “Young ones, too, like weird goths with chains and stuff. I’ve had enough psycho women in my life already. That’s why I’m divorced.
Want to hire Wrinkles to scar your children for life? It’s simple. Call him at 407-734-0254.
Just don’t expect to get a response right away. Wrinkles is booked for the foreseeable future.