Becoming a single mom after a divorce or separation isn’t a party any of us planned to be invited to. Typically, when you choose to have a child with someone, the expectation is that they’ll be there to help raise them!
Whether the separation is amiable or tense, whether you have shared custody or full-time kid duty, whether or not you have supportive friends and family… there are some things about being a single mother that are just plain difficult.
When your kids miss the other parent…
If your kids had a relationship with their other parent before you became separated, chances are you will have to deal with some moments of them missing them. Knowing they miss someone you don’t have the best relationship with anymore can be a difficult place to be.
If you share parenting time with your ex, reminders of when they will be together next can be helpful. If the kids don’t regularly see their other parent, try validating their feelings without adding any commentary on why you think it’s better this way. They will have plenty of time later on to better understand it.
When your kids miss out on experiences…
Whether it’s because of tight finances or lack of childcare, there will probably be times that you have to say no to something your child wanted to do. Especially if it’s something they used to do, this can cause frustration and sadness for your kids.
When you have to say no to things, try to stick to the facts of the situation and not take your kids’ disappointment personally. It can be easy to feel guilty or upset that you have to say no, but your child will pick up on your attitude. Stay as positive as possible, acknowledge their disappointment, and try to think of something else you can plan instead.
When your kids are sick…
Dealing with sick kids is difficult under the best of circumstances. The lack of sleep, heightened emotions, and extra physical care all add up! Throw in the fact that you might have to keep them home from school or daycare, and the stress of the situation can skyrocket.
If possible, keep a list of people who are willing to help when your kids are sick. Maybe they can drop off a meal at the door or pick up medicine for you. Remember, when kids are sick, it’s okay to go into survival mode. Resting while you can is more important than the sink full of dishes!
At the end of the day, being a single mom is exhausting. It can be lonely, and challenging, and feel endless. But chances are, your kids are going to look back one and remember everything you did for them, regardless of if you felt like it was enough in the moment.
No matter what it feels like some days… you are enough. And you are doing a great job.
